I never once doubted that the day would come, but I didn’t know exactly when it would be. I certainly thought that I would see Marriage Equality in my lifetime, but I planned on being around for quite a while, so that really wasn’t going out on much of a limb.
I kept tabs on all the legal squabbles as best as I could, but frankly they became very confusing and hard to follow at times. I can imagine how perplexing the whole issue must have seemed for someone who had no personal interest in the final outcome. I’m sure some of them were quite surprised on that day, June 26th 2013.
The presentation of arguments on Prop 8 to the Supreme Court had occurred months earlier, but the ruling had not yet been given. I was busy and out of touch with current events when, on that morning, I happened to hear that a ruling was finally expected. It was a short time later when I was on my way to work that I got a text from my son with the news. The Supreme Court had upheld the 9th Circuit Courts ruling against Prop 8!
First of all, how cool is it that the first one to reach out to me was my son with a message of congratulations? I must of done something right to deserve that young man. Ok, now I’m getting all teared up, but Mama’s have a right to be proud.
Ok, back to the story. The news got even better; the court had also over-turned DOMA. This decision had an even bigger impact because it affected the gay and lesbian community on a national level. Now not only could I legally marry Lori, but she would be recognized by my employer - which happens to be a federal agency - and she will be eligible to receive my benefits. I don’t think most Americans had any idea what was unavailable to same sex couples; I know that I didn’t before it affected me. There were over 1100 laws from which same sex couples were excluded. These exclusions had to be taken into consideration for things you would never think of in a traditional marriage. Without making special (and expensive) legal arrangements, couples were denied access to each other when one was hospitalized, and surviving spouses were left destitute when the bread-winner passed away. We were taxed at higher rates and not given equal access to laws protecting our basic rights. Lori and I even had to be careful of which company we purchased an IRA because they may not treat an allocation to a same-sex beneficiary the same way, leaving them to pay additional taxes. It was ridiculous and morally reprehensible. This wasn’t just about the ability to have a fancy party and a certificate - this was about basic dignity and equality.
I hope this helps you to understand what a monumental victory this decision was for Equality. It was HUGE, and there was going to be a party. Lori and I had been talking about it for several years as Prop 8 made it’s way through the court system. We knew if the decision came down in our favor we were going to Hillcrest that night. Hillcrest is the LGBT center of San Diego. Just months before this community had raised a flagpole to fly the rainbow flag right on University Avenue. It was under that same flagpole where we gathered.
They had set up a make-shift stage, and there were a lot of speeches, but you really couldn’t hear them unless you stood right in front of a speakers. It didn’t matter, the celebration was the people. Hundreds of people were there. Hundreds of individuals with newly recognized equality. People whom some would call the misfits of society, all proudly being who they were, in living color. And the colors! Flags, banners, signs and outfits; the world was a rainbow. It was truly fabulous! For me the best part were the allies. There were so many “straight” people standing side-by-side with us, cheering and waving signs and banners, celebrating with us - for us. I was happily surprised by their support.
Then the march began as the big rainbow flag was carried down University Avenue followed by the joyful throng. It was a rainbow serpent a quarter of a mile long moving slowly down the road. The police escorts stopped rush hour traffic for us, and while I initially felt bad for the commuters stuck waiting for the mob to pass, I didn’t see one person who was upset. They were all smiling, some even waving and honking their horns. There were so many people lining the streets celebrating, at least as many as there were marching, and probably more. It was an amazing experience.
That’s when I saw them -a lesbian couple on the side-walk watching us pass. You could tell that they were a couple who had been together a long time, the way you can always tell any couple who had been together a long time. One was standing behind the other, holding her partner as they watched the celebration. It was the look on their faces that summed up the whole story. That picture was worth way more than a thousand words. Their faces told of struggle and hardship, of immense Love and Joy - of a normal life within an untraditional relationship. Their eyes held disbelief, and relief. They never thought they would see this day, maybe never dared dream of it, but it was here. It was real. It was only one step, but it was BIG one. The tide had turned, finally, it had turned.
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