Chelsea's Run

She went for a run and never came home....
I few years ago I gave up listening to the news. It happened by accident. I used to listen to talk radio all day long, but I had gotten an Ipod for Christmas and I spent the next several months loving walking around with my own personal sound track for my life. One day my Ipod’s battery died and I dug out my old radio. It only took a few minutes before some disturbing news about the body of a missing boy being found came over the air waves. After spending months away from such things I was able to notice how the news felt in my body, and I didn’t like it. I turned the radio off and put it away. I’ve never turned it on again.

It was another year later when I divorced and in a money saving move, I eliminated my cable TV service. Now I had no access to television news. I was insulated from the constant onslaught of negative media and I thrived. I still knew what was going on, you don’t miss out on the big stories that really affect you. It is just that you hear it all second hand, and if you’re interested you can read all you want about it on the internet. You are affectively buffered from all the stories that drain your energy and your joy. That is until they hit close to home.

On February 25 Chelsea King disappeared. She simply went for a run around Lake Hodges and never came home. Chelsea lived in Poway which is directly north of my San Diego neighborhood of Scripps Ranch. She attended Poway High which is the school my son’s girlfriend, Samantha, also attends. Chelsea is a year older than Sam, but Sam did run Cross Country and played in the school band with Chelsea. So I tuned into the television news, following the story with a sense of dread. I watched as the story rolled on over the next week. The agony of the parents broke my heart and then there were the pictures of Chelsea. The photos of a young and happy girl; silly, beautiful, sweet, and innocent, rolled across the screen while the reporters discussed the crowds of volunteers searching the hills and the divers searching the murky lake. Days came and went, an arrest was made, but still she had not been found. It was heart wrenching to watch. What hit me the hardest was one picture of Chelsea, just a snapshot really, but it caught her in a moment of pure joy. In it, her eyes sparkled. It reminded me so much of Sam….sweet Sam. It could have been her; it could have been any girl. Unfortunately, in our society we cannot protect our innocent from our monsters. (I hope that we will be able to change this, but that is a different blog for a different time.) Then they found her, buried in a shallow grave just off of the trail. It was over, there was no more hope, Chelsea was gone. I sat taking in this nightmare, feeling helpless, wanting to do something, anything.

I had spoken with Sam several times, offering to give her and her friends some lessons in Self Defense. Now I realized that I really needed to do this for any young woman that wanted to learn. As the holder of a third degree black belt, I have spent a lot of time, blood, and sweat learning to defend myself. I am passionate about it, but it had never occurred to me to teach it to others, not until now.

I recruited my old training buddy and fellow black belt, Marsha, to help me and last Friday we gave our first workshop. It was informal, just a group of women, young and not-as-young, gathered in a local park. I wasn’t sure how it would go, but I was passionate about giving these young women and their mothers as much knowledge as I could to keep them safe from the monsters like the one who took Chelsea’s life, and I think that we did a pretty great job and I am looking into setting up more workshops. You always know you are in alignment with what you are intended to be doing by how it feels in your heart. This night I knew, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that night Marsha and I were doing exactly what we were intended to be doing.

I am, once again, avoiding the news media and feeling more myself. I’m sure that I will continue to follow Chelsea’s story as her murderer is brought to justice and her loved ones move on in their desire to bring something positive from their loss, but I can do this and still buffer myself from the negative onslaught of mass media. The difference for me is that now I have another “calling” to answer, and I have a burning desire to teach as many young women as I can how to protect themselves. So here are a few thing s that I want you to know….

The number one thing that you can do to protect yourself is to BE AWARE. Pay attention to your surroundings. Don’t walk through a parking lot texting on your phone or lost in your thoughts. Walk out of the store with your keys ready in your hand, walk with purpose, get in your car, lock the door and go. If you’re jogging watch what is around you. Has that same car passed you three times? Does the trail lead into a dark area with a lot of places for someone to be concealed? If someone in a car stops to asks you for directions, don’t go near the car. If you can not hear them, just say sorry and jog away. Pay attention to your intuition. How many times has something happened and you said, “I knew it, I knew that would happen!” Start paying attention to your thoughts and feelings, if a situation or a person is giving you the creeps, stay away. Pay Attention and Be Aware!

Right up there with awareness is ATTITUDE. These guys are looking for an easy target. They want to dominate and terrorize. You do not want to look mopey, sad, meek or distracted. Stand up straight, look people in the eye, walk with purpose and assume a whole “you don’t want to mess with me” attitude. Put simply, don’t look like a victim.

Next is SISTERHOOD. We’ve got to watch out for each other. Everyone makes mistakes and let’s their guard down. That’s when we have to count on our friends to have our backs. Don’t let a friend leave a party with anyone that they just met no matter what. Watch each other’s drinks at a bar. Watch until a girlfriend gets into her home when you drop her off. Let each other know who you are going out with and when you will be home. Keep each other safe.

Finally is TELL. Whether you had a date that got a little too aggressive or you were a victim of a full-on sexual assault, Tell! Tell someone, anyone. In the case of an assault, call the police immediately. Do not change clothes or take a shower, the police will need the evidence. These guys will continue to prey on us as long as they can get away with it so we need to protect each other and get the word out about whom they are and what they do.

Above all, if you are assaulted DO NOT LET THEM TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE ELSE! If they are trying to get you into a vehicle, you are now fighting for your life. They are not taking you somewhere that will be safer for you. They will be taking you somewhere they feel safe, where they can take their time with you and you will not live to tell about it. If they have a weapon it is better to take your chances to run, screaming your head off because if you go with them you will die.

These are the main points that Marsha and I teach in our workshop. Then we also show the ladies some basic of fighting. We want them to understand the “target” areas on a man and what parts of their bodies they can use to hit those targets. It doesn’t matter how you’re being held, there is some way to hurt them if you know what to do.

Thank you for bearing with me on this, I know that it may have been rough to read in parts, but it is the truth. If you would like to know more about how you can protect yourself please contact me.

Blessings,
Kelly

Listening for John D.

Sometimes those magic moments that we call epiphanies happen quickly, flashes of clarity that come out of the blue bringing us enlightenment, but this week I had one that took 30 years to come to fruition. You know how some people just stay with you, continually popping up in your mind, far more and long after you think would be reasonable? One of these people for me has been John D. and now I think I understand why.
John D. was a classmate of mine in high school. He was the biggest guy in school, a tall and strapping farm boy, and due to “alphabetical order” we were linked throughout our high school experience. In this tiny rural Nebraska school, Kelly F. followed John D. I sat behind John in most of our classes; I lined up next to him in PE, shared a locker with him and sat next to him on the stage at our graduation. But even with all of this close contact I have to admit that I didn’t know John very well. I was terribly shy and insecure back then and John was one of the popular kids, (yes, there are cliques even in tiny schools) and I guess I just didn’t feel worthy to open up to him. I have always liked to sit back and observe others around me and I observed John a lot. He completely fascinated me. There was just something different about him. He was just as wild as any of the other boys in the school but there was something more to him. There was a depth to his eyes that I have since come to understand as a mark of an old soul. He had a way of disarming a volatile situation by transforming his huge presence with unexpected silliness. What I get now, 30 years later, is that John wasn’t ego. He was authentic. He was who he was and he was just fine no matter what others thought of him.
John passed away in an accident only a few weeks after we graduated in 1980. I had moved to Phoenix and didn’t find out about it until after his funeral. The news rocked me to my core. I was unable to process all the feelings of shock and loss at the time, there was just too much to sort out and I didn’t have the knowledge or skills to put what I felt into words. So like everything else, it went on a shelf within me until I could figure it out.
A few days ago John once again popped into my head but this time I let him just sit with me trying to understand why he has stayed with me all of these years and then I got it. In the last few years I have been working to hear and trust my intuition. I have long known that sometimes “I just know things” but now I have come to realize that I am very intuitive and always have been. The thing is that my intuition has a soft voice, a whisper in the wind, and to hear it I have to really pay attention. In thinking back on my memories of John I suddenly realized that the whisper was there. My fascination was an attraction on the Soul level. John must have had some “gift” for me but I was unable to let him in to my life at the time. When John died, so did my chance of ever discovering what that gift could have been. That was what was at the root of my grief. Even though I wasn’t capable of understanding it at the time, my Soul knew. My Soul knew that I had forever lost my chance to discover what special gift John’s Soul wanted to bring to my life.
I pondered this realization for a few days. All the memories and emotions attached to them are as fresh as if they had just happened yesterday but with this new understanding I can see how all of the pieces fit together. What has become so clear for me is that John is really still with me, just on a different level. He still has a gift for me but now I will have to listen for the “whisper in the wind” to receive the message. The good news is that now I am ready and I am listening.
Blessings,
Kelly